Steven Universe Goes to Smogon
by Iamboria
Summary: When Steven has nothing to do, Blaziken, the most MLG pokémon, decides to pay him a visit. What will happen when they go on an unexpected adventure? (Steven Universe / Pokémon crossover) Rated for language and drug references.
1. The Adventure Begins

**A/N: Hey guys, Iamboria here. Normally I would write a fairly long description, but all I can say about this fic is that it was a really bad idea I just went with. It's quite stupid, and not meant to be taken seriously. However, I love it all the same... Anyway, I hope you enjoy this fic!**

 **DISCLAMER: I do not own Steven Universe, Pokémon, or any of the characters in those series.**

* * *

It was a beautiful day in Beach City. The sun was shining, and all the people were outside enjoying the weather. Well, all except a young boy named Steven.

"Gosh, this is so BORING." he whined. The gems had told him to wait in the house while they went on an important mission. However he was still grounded from TV, so he had nothing to do.

"I guess I'll have to read a book..." he sighed as he went to go find some reading material.

"DID SOMEONE SAY THEY WERE GOING TO READ?!" a voice called.

"Who's there?" Steven questioned

His question was answered when a bipedal flaming bird crashed through the roof.

"I'm Blaziken, and I'm the most amazing pokémon ever. I'm here to save you from the travesty that is reading with some MLG gaming." the creature replied pompously.

"How would you know that you're the best? Aren't there like, hundreds of different pokémon?"

Blaziken let out a deep sigh "Kid, I'm in a group of the coolest pokémon around"

"Really?" Steven beamed, "What's it called?"

Blaziken glanced around, making sure no one was listening. "It's called... UBERS!" Blaziken cawed.

"Cool, but... What's ubers?" Steven asked, thoroughly confused.

"I'll show you. Hop on!"

"But Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl said I have to stay here!"

"Who cares about them? They're not MLG enough to hang with an Uber like me. Besides, don't you want to meet the best pokémon around? "

"Sure, but..."

Without warning, Blaziken grabbed Steven and soared out of the house the same way he came in. Within seconds, they were soaring high above... Hoenn?

"I THOUGHT YOU COULD ONLY SOAR ON A LATIAS IN HOENN!" Steven screamed "AND YOU CAN'T EVEN LEARN FLY!"

"MLG pokémon don't need to follow rules, Steven." Blaziken smirked, "We create the rules!"

Soon after, they flew through a rip in the space-time continuum and landed in a living room with the coolest pokémon around. They were munching out on doritos and playing video games like true MLG pokémon.

Xerneas noticed the sudden appearance and handed Blaziken a bottle of Mountain Dew.

"YO EVERYBODY! BLAZE IT IS BACK! "

Blaziken and his half-human companion shuffled their way through the place, talking to a few random pokémon on their way.

"Hey, what up Slash? Your sword's looking pretty sharp today." Aegislash showed off his blade, making a slicing motion "Good form, dude."

"Woah, Greninja, didn't think I'd see you here today." Greninja shook his head "Naw, man. When I heard you were coming back, I had to be here. STARTER SQUAD FOR LIFE!"

Eventually, they reached the main attraction; a huge sofa seated in front of the largest TV Steven had seen in his life. They were playing Smash Bros, but not the new one because true gamers only play Melee. Blaziken went up to greet his homies.

"Mewtwo! Bringing the punish, as always. "

"You know it!" He motioned to Darkrai, who was sitting beside him "Hey man, pass the weed!"

"Klefki, you still playing your tricks?"

"Mind games are the best games... " he replies, grabbing another handful of doritos.

"Arceus! Working those godlike wavedashing skills, I see."

"Yup! Hey, who's that human looking fellow with ya? "

"I'm Steven, and I'm a Crystal Gem!" he replied, still hanging on Blaziken's back.

"What are you guys playing?"

"Only the best game EVER!" Groudon yelled. "Smash Bros Melee!"

"Oh, I have one of those games! It's really fun! It's called Smash Bros Brawl! "

The entire room went silent. They could not believe that Blaziken had brought a...

"FILTHY CASUAL!"

The pokémon were in hysterics. Chairs were thrown, and everyone was in a panic to find The Big Red Button You Press When Casuals Breach The Pad.

"What's going on?" Steven stuttered, cowering in fear.

"FOUND IT!" Yveltal screamed, and as he was about to press the button, there was another yell from across the room.

"STOP!" Blaziken called. "He doesn't know what he's saying. HE'S JUST A CHILD."

"Still, his behaviour is unacceptable." Deoxys remarked. "He can't stay here if he continues to act like this."

"We can teach him! We can show him why The Game Whose Name Shall Not Be Metioned is awful, and how to be a real gamer! "

"Excellent idea! Though it will take a lot of work... We'll have to start immediately!" Genesect said excitedly.

The pokémon set to work, teaching the young half-gem how to play competitive Melee.

* * *

Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst arrived on the temple warp pad.

"Yo Steven, wanna see what we found?" Amethyst called.

When there was no answer, Amethyst went looking. "Uh... Steven?"

"Oh no!" Pearl shrieked. "Where's... STEVEN?!"

There was a note on the coffee table. Pearl picked it up with shaking hands and read it aloud.

 _"Crystal Scrubs,_

 _Me and Stee-Bomb are hanging out with the Ubers. He'll be back... eventually. And if you casuals try to breach the pad to get him, you will be eliminated with our raw MLG power. Left you a joint in case you need to chill._

 _Peace, Blaziken"_

"Oh my goodness, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?! HE COULD BE ANYWHERE!" Pearl screamed.

"Pearl, calm down." Garnet added.

"Garnet, do you have any idea where he is?" Amethyst asked as Pearl continued to freak out.

"There's one place he could be... " she trailed off

"Garnet, you couldn't possibly be talking about..."

"Oh, yes. I'm afraid that it's most likely that Steven is at... Smogon."

* * *

 **A/N: OOOH SHIT! Steven is in big trouble! In all seriousness, I was thinking about adding more chapters to this. If you'd like to see that, please let me know. I hope you enjoyed this (admittedly stupid) fanfic! Have an awesome day!**

 **\- Iamboria**


	2. Game Time

**A/N: Somehow, I made this chapter dumber than the last one... I didn't even know that was possible. Anyway, enjoy!**

* * *

The pokémon got Steven set up on the sofa, and started up Melee. Blaziken handed him the prized Golden GameCube controller that was reserved for honorary guests and champions.

"Steven, this controller is very important." Arceus began. "It has been passed on between every generation of pokémon in the Ubers house as a symbol of trust and hope in the new competitive scene. It was created by Mew and Mewtwo when the first competitive battle was held, 5 generations ago."

"Woah!" Steven exclaimed. "What was it like?"

"It was back in 1996." Mewtwo began. "Back then, there was no Smogon. Competitive merit was decided by individual players, and cheap tactics were common. The match came down to Mew and myself. There was a long 20 minute face-off, with Mew attempting to stall me out with status ailments while I was desperately fighting to get in a hit. The finishing blow ending up being my final PP of Psystrike. Since the match was such an epic beginning to competitive matches, we created the Golden GameCube controller to commemorate it."

"Wait, I thought the GameCube didn't exist in 1996? How did you make a controller for it?"

"I have a memory of all the awesome things that have and will happen, so I knew that the GameCube would be the best competitive game system of ALL TIME." Mewtwo said in a death metal voice before returning his tone to normal. "So we made the controller pre-emptively."

"Oh." Steven said. He was still thoroughly confused, but he decided to drop the topic.

"Basically, what we're saying is this controller is very important." Blaziken stated. "Be careful with it, and whatever you do, DON'T PRESS PAUSE!"

"Okay, okay, I won't do it." Steven concluded. "So what character should I pick? Hmmm… Pichu looks cool!"

The entire room stared at Steven and gasped.

"Blaziken, this child… He knows nothing of our sacred traditions!" Deoxys stammered. "This blasphemy must be stopped!"

"Deo, chill." Blaziken responded coolly. "He'll learn in time."

He then turned to Steven. "We only pick Fox here, kid."

"But why?" Steven protested. "There are tons of other characters. Why can't I choose them?"

"Because these characters don't have the same tricks that Fox does! And Pichu specifically is a terrible choice. He takes damage whenever he attacks!"

"That's not very fun…" Steven added.

"Yeah, I know. I'll just get you set up with Fox in training mode."

Blaziken put Steven on Final Destination, and handed back the controller.

"Now, it's time to teach you the basics. Usually when we move, we wavedash. All you have to do is jump, move the control stick diagonally downwards and shield. It's pretty basic."

"Um… Okay, I'll try it." Steven said, not quite sure how this could be considered "basic"

After about 60 attempts, Steven managed to pull off a single wavedash.

"Was that good?" he asked.

Blaziken just sighed and took a deep breath. " _Looks like I have a lot of work to do…"_

* * *

Meanwhile, the Crystal Gems were in the lobby of Smogon headquarters, trying to reason with the pokémon behind the reception desk.

"We need to enter the Ubers house!" Pearl pleaded. "Our child is in there!"

Mawile sighed. "Do you have proof that he's even yours?"

"What kind of proof do you want?!" Amethyst snapped.

"Oh, I don't know." Mawile began, her tone laden with sarcasm, "A birth certificate, a passport, maybe looking remotely related to this child?"

"We are related." Garnet affirmed.

"Biologically?" Mawile raised an eyebrow.

"Yes… well… no, I mean… sort of?"

"That's not a good enough answer." the pokémon responded. "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"That's it." Garnet snapped. "We're going in anyway." As the Crystal Gems approached the elevator that lead to the Ubers house, Mawile began running after them.

"I'm warning you! Take one step more, and I'll go MEGA!"

"We don't CARE!" Amethyst called, pressing button to call the elevator.

"I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH!" Mawile screeched. She was then engulfed in blinding white light as she changed into her mega form.

"LEAVE THE BUILDING THIS INSTANT!" she yelled, charging towards the gems. The elevator door had just opened, and the gems were scrambling to get in and shut it.

"PUSH THE BUTTON PEARL!" Amethyst screamed. "SHE'S ALMOST HERE!"

"I'M TRYING!"

"Calm yourselves!" Garnet commanded. "I'll handle this!"

As Mawile ran towards the closing door, Garnet summoned her gauntlets. Mawile tried to change her course, but it was too late. Garnet punched her square in the face, knocking her back several feet.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!" Mawile yelled as the elevator door closed.

* * *

Lugia was sitting by the elevator that led in and out of the Ubers house. They had the absolutely BORING duty of making sure that no one came in uninvited " _It's not like anyone tries to get in here anyway, that's what the receptionist is for."_ they thought, sighing. " _Maybe if I just took a nap, then this would be over with faster…"_

As the pokémon was falling asleep, they heard a very faint ring. " _Is that the elevator? Nah, it's probably nothing."_ they thought as they went back to snoozing.

Suddenly, the elevator door burst open, letting the Crystal Gems into the pad.

"Unhand him at once!" Pearl commanded.

However the pokémon were so engrossed in Steven's current match against Genesect that they didn't even hear the gem's demand.

"Nice L-cancel, Gen!" Shaymin cheered

"GET THE TECH, STE-BOMB!" Palkia bellowed

"Are they… serious?" Amethyst asked, questioning the scene in front of her. "It's just a video game…"

The pokémon continued to cheer and shout as the match got more heated, with both players down to their final stock.

"I'm not waiting for this." Pearl snapped "I'm turning it off."

Meanwhile, Steven had just started an insane combo, and everybody was rooting for him.

"STEVEN THIS IS SICK!" Dialga cawed

"GET THE SPIKE!" Reshiram roared

Just as he was about to get the finishing hit, Pearl unplugged the GameCube. All the pokémon stared at her in horror.

"WHO LET THE CRYSTAL SCRUB IN?!" Blaziken demanded. "LUGIA, WHERE WERE YOU?!"

"Huh-what?" Lugia yawned and looked around, incredibly confused.

"AND THE OTHER TWO ARE IN HERE?!" Blaziken looked to Garnet and Amethyst, who were standing directly beside Lugia. "GET THE BUTTON YOU PRESS WHEN CASUALS BREACH THE PAD NOW!"

All the pokémon began scrambling to find it, tearing up couches and flipping tables that were in their way. In the corner of the room, Yveltal just sighed.

"Guys! The button is STILL in my hand!"

"Well then hurry up and push it!" Deoxys insisted.

The button was pressed, and red lights started flashing as an alarm blared.

"INTRUDER ALERT. INTRUDER ALERT." a robotic voice droned. "COMMENCING ERADICATION IN 10, 9, 8..."

"WATCH OUT, IT'S GONNA BLOW!" Blaziken yelled.

"7, 6, 5"

"What is even going on right now?" Amethyst asked

"Even future vision can't explain that one." Garnet sighed.

"4, 3, 2, 1…" A jarring blare could be heard as everyone braced themselves for impact...

But nothing happened!

"That was it?" Pearl questioned. "So much for a panic button…"

"No, it's supposed to do something cool!" Blaziken exclaimed. "Not… whatever that was."

"Um… whoops…" Yveltal mumbled as the room turned their heads. "I think I pressed the splash button instead…"

"Does that button even do anything?" Giratina remarked.

Suddenly, the roof started to break away and a dark, pixilated cloud appeared overhead.

"No… It can't be…" Deoxys stammered "I-it's…"

"tHE GLITCH!" a demonic voice called. "It's me, BITCHES! Using that splash button left you open for ATTACK!"

"Watch your language!" Pearl yelled

"FUCK YOU!" the voice roared. "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?"

"I'm a Crystal GEM!" Pearl yelled, throwing her spear towards a small, yellowish figure in the center of the cloud.

"Are you fucking kidding me? That does JACK SHIT to me!" it bellowed, throwing the spear through the TV.

"Watch where you throw that!" Zekrom snapped. "That shit is expensive!"

"oH MY GOD CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I DON'T GIVE A FUCK?!" The cloud started to glow red with anger. "And I'LL be taking THAT!" The cloud reached down, and snatched the Golden GameCube Controller!

"Hey, give that back!" Blaziken ordered.

"NO!" the voice responded angrily "You fools aren't worthy!"

Amethyst examined the scene and sighed "... are they really fighting over a controller?"

Garnet shook her head. "... unfortunately, yes."

"We ARE worthy!" Darkrai insisted. "We're UBERS!"

"Prove it! Come up here and fight me, you SCRUBS!"

"Looks like we have no choice…" Blaziken turned to face the other pokémon. "Everybody, prepare yourselves! We're going in!"

By this point, Pearl had had just about enough of this Ubers shenanigans, and was about to snap.

"Stop fighting over the stupid controller and give us the FUCKING CHILD!"

The whole room took an audible gasp.

"Pearl, did you just… swear?" Amethyst said, barely able to control her laughter.

"Oh, shut up!" she said, defeated.

At that point, Amethyst lost it. She fell to the floor, and she was laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes. "... she just did it again!"

"Sorry scrub," Blaziken began, turning to Pearl, "but we need Steven's help. He's coming with us." He bent down and let Steven climb onto his back.

"NO HE IS NOT!" Pearl tried to grab Steven, but the pokémon had already started their flight into the cloudy void.

"Bye Pearl!" Steven cheered happily as he flew off into the distance.

At this point, Pearl was on the verge of a mental breakdown. She kept pacing back and forth, and she couldn't even vocalize her frustrations in anything but random shrieks. Meanwhile, Amethyst was still cackling, taking pleasure in the other gems' misery.

"Gems!" Garnet commanded. "Pull it together! We need to save Steven from those insane pokémon!"

It took a minute, but both gems managed to gather their bearings and follow Garnet into the clouds.

* * *

 **A/N: Things are starting to heat up! What will happen in the battle against the glitch? And who is this glitch, exactly? You'll find out in the next (and probably final) chapter. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great day!**

 **-Iamboria**


End file.
